Coming home

Unconscious to conscious. 
I caught myself. Resistance snuck in. 
Fear almost steered me away. 

I want to come home to her. 

It’s easy and safe to walk the other direction, returning to the same hamster wheel. 
Why the fear requires more digging, but for now knowing is enough. 

The distance between adoration and loving to completely falling is just a few steps away. 

I want to come home to her. 

My deepest desire is my deepest fear. 
The heart. 
How did I get here? 

Re-training to reach my natural state. 
Moving from 'what if it doesn’t work?', to imagining 'what if it does work?’. 
This simple flip of a question is enough to turn the mind upside down. 

This place is still scary but I am happy to see, to catch my self, to take the step on the path of my deepest desire. 
I strayed, but not to far. 
I got you, I caught you, I won’t let you. The stakes of this loss to high. 

She entered my dreams. 
I am beginning to wake up. I can see again. 
The mind likes to dance in many directions but the heart is a one way street. 

I want to come home to her. 

To express the words in my heart. 
The throat is blocked so I bypass and pour myself onto paper. 
Trembling. From head to heart. Asking the question. 

Where is your heart Talib? 
Where is your heart Talib? 
Where is your heart Talib? 

To bring me back down, to stay connected, to simultaneously break the old habit and create a new one. 

It’s habit to calculate love in the head. 
Brain and mind formulate expectations of love. 
Mind and heart is where I am trying now, retraining to feel love. 

From thinking into feeling. 

I want to come home to her.