Breathing the voice of resistence

Eating to much popcorn. Sleeping late. Binging Netflix (Blacklist is my guilty pleasure). These impact the quality of rest and the quality of meditation. 

I breathe you, you breathe me. 

If I’m not breathing properly then I am not in flow. How could I be in flow if my breath, that which gives me life and allows me to live is erratic?

How could the internal be calm and still if I don’t even acknowledge the current in which allows me to move through life?

Awareness. The key to compassion. Without awareness how can I be compassionate towards you, towards myself? Without awareness of my breath, I lack balance in my life as nothing else seems to flow with the required consistency, including compassion.  

Breath is everything. It is what connects all. The body, mind and spirit. The entire earth is breathing. Breathing me. Breathing you. Breathing each other.

Meditation this morning was difficult. After years of sitting I’ve become acutely aware of my internal state, able to witness all the blockages and when the breath experiences resistance, my mind becomes erratic. It’s like the teacher is not present and so the student (mind) run's wild.  

Breath. It is the subtle even flow of inhales and exhales, gently moving the energy within that equates to the quality of life we reflect outside of ourself. When life gets sticky, return to breath. 

Breath is music. As I write, it is fitting that jazz is playing in the background, the sounds of the sax filling my space, both internal and external. 

Without breath their is no song. My song. Your song. The world yearns for the sounds of our voice. 

Take a moment today and just sit. An inventory of your own being and notice the relationship your breath has with your body. Notice your mind. Notice the relationship with mind and breath. Who is driving the bus? Mind or breath?

After 17 years of learning to sit, I’ve come to the realization that breath is everything. How it flows within, its relationship with my body at a cellular level and its connection with my mind determines the quality of the life I live. How I show up for my self and how I show up for others. 

Quality of breath determines the quality of life. 

The voice of resistance

It’s evening now and fitting that the sentence above is the last line I wrote this morning. Sometime the voice is loud, sometime the voice softly whispers to my body, my body uncertain, ungrounded walks around the city wasting time. Searching, procrastinating. Not wanting to come home and do the work. 

Today I caught this behaviour of mine. I feel lonely when I’m out there but the moment I arrive home, I feel settled. The night is unsettling to me in this big city. It wasn’t always like this, it’s more as I age and dissolve the layers, it seems to increase awareness but also sensitivity to all forms of energy. 

To be home with my words, my music, my books and my energy, I feel grounded, I feel connected to Self, to the earth and beyond. My heart, still triggered from a lack of closure. My heart is settling as I lay these words on the page.  I’m supported, I feel it in my place, but out there? 

The energy is erratic. Ungrounded. It throws me off. I caught the voice whispering, pulling me in different directions, filling me with uncertainty. I caught it this time and got myself on route towards the place I call home. 

This feeling. Grounded, heart wide open yet settled and loving, the feeling of my spirit now having a the clear path to expression. It’s a subtle cooling sensation. 

I am grateful for her. Gently breaking down the walls of resistance.