Navigating Modern Dating: Balancing the Old and the New

Today, I updated my coach on my progress. I outlined my next steps, some of which I plan to work on today. Our conversation then shifted to dating. She mentioned how we have one foot in the 20th century and the other in the 21st century, noting that many of her single clients are turning to speed dating because dating apps have become overwhelming. For women, it's because they have too many choices, and for men, it's because they don't have enough. As a heterosexual man in the dating scene, I find it difficult to navigate this mix of 20th and 21st-century expectations.

For me, I know it's best to stay in my flow, to focus on my work and path, and to meet women naturally. The difference now is my awareness of my selection process. I no longer choose from a place of trauma but from an energetic attraction that comes from my heart. I'm increasingly conscious of when I'm giving away my power and how women react to that versus when I am in my power.

Another challenge is that women might not understand how difficult it is to approach a stranger and ask them out. I can speak for myself: sometimes I feel on top of my game, in flow, and fully embodied. Other days, I feel incredibly nervous and revert to the shy, not-good-enough version of myself from my teens and twenties.

Then there's the financial aspect. Despite my accomplishments, I have a lingering feeling that it's not enough, that women wouldn't be interested in me because I lack the material success they desire. While some women may have these expectations, not all do.

Sex is another complex issue. I grew up with the programming that women's relationship with sex is different from men's. I remember Derek Sivers sharing in an interview with Tim Ferriss that it wasn't until he was 47 that he learned women enjoyed sex. This resonates with my own experience.

I'm learning to ask for what I want and to find a partner who is working on themselves, particularly on psychological and emotional growth. I want a relationship where physical and emotional intimacy are deeply intertwined. This requires courage, and many (including myself) fear opening up in this way. However, it's crucial for emotional maturity and cultivating deeper connections. The first step is acknowledgment. I recommend the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," and another book I am almost finished listening to is, "US" by Terrence Real.

On a macro level, where are women when it comes to emotions? We often hear that women are more emotional because of how their bodies work. But is there room for emotional evolution and regulation? Can they balance and find equilibrium in their emotions?

And where are men with their emotions? The idea that men are not emotional is a myth. If men express emotions, they are often met with derogatory labels. How can men evolve emotionally? How can we embrace our emotions and improve our well-being and relationships? Anger is an accepted emotion for men, but why not others? Did the divine only give men one emotion?

Another perspective is considering the energetic level. Labels like Men, Women, They, Them are physical identifiers. Most of our consciousness is at this physical layer. Below this is the energetic layer, where we move from identifying as Man or Woman to recognizing masculine and feminine energy. We all possess both energies. So, how do we cultivate masculine and feminine energy within us?

Cultivating these energies contributes to emotional evolution and deeper heart connections. What is our relationship with our hearts? Physically, the heart pumps blood. But energetically, if we are disconnected from our emotions or overwhelmed by them, is this due to a disconnection from our hearts?

Men's hearts might be closed, locking away emotions except anger. Women's hearts might be open but without filters, leading to overwhelming expressions. We need a middle ground, meeting each other where we are and becoming curious about our hearts on an energetic level. Understanding the heart's energy helps us understand its relationship with our minds, bodies, and souls.

Body (Physical) Mind (Psychological) Heart (Emotional) Soul (Spiritual)

From a Museum in Medellin.

Releasing 20th-century dating rules and embracing 21st-century dating—what does that look like? How has dating evolved? We might learn from those in their 20s, who can teach us to embrace new dating methods. While we in our 30s and 40s are split between centuries, what can we learn from younger generations? What are the new dating rules, and where should we focus our work? I believe it's the heart and emotional layers. There's work to do on the psychological layer, but it's time to dive into our hearts.

This is food for thought. I’ll leave you with this reflection: The goal is to express our souls in their purest form. Each day, we express our souls, filtered through our hearts and minds, finally manifesting physically. Spiritual bypassing is a myth because it requires shutting down the mind and heart, defeating our purpose here. Our work lies in healing our hearts and minds, creating space for our Higher Self to embody our physical form and express our soul in its purest form.