The Seductive Shadow

In depression, I embody my shadow.

The shadow is seductive,

the place where my deepest desires are stored.

A sadness engulfs me,

a desire to bring these parts of myself to light.

Fear freezes me.

Pieces of me cultivated as outcast,

pieces society, religion, loved, and trusted ones deemed as bad, sinful, unworthy.

The longer I wait, the heavier the weight.

It's time to declutter my shadow.

Heaviness.

Carrying the weight of my shadow.

Difficult to move, to breathe.

Walking along and suddenly, the swift energy of the shadow is activated.

It feels like walking through mud after a storm.

Sinking.

It's hard to move at times.

Gifts of intoxication.

Substances provide temporary relief,

an opportunity to act out the tucked-away self within my shadow.

The small window closes once again.

I put away myself and awake once again to my reality,

yearning for the seductive shadow to light me up once again.