The Gift of Play
I spent early this morning on Instagram reels, usually something dancing or adventure related. One real was playing a George Michael song and I decided to go down the 80's lane for quite a while before I ended up in the 90's slow jam lane and dozed in and out of sleep while listening to Jodeci, Shai, H-town, Boyz to Men and so many others.
But first the 80's. It really got my insides moving. At some point in life I stopped dancing (in many areas of my life) but I literally remember some point in my late 20's I hung up my dancing shoes. The spark was not there anymore. In the 80's I use to spend hours and hours by myself at home dancing, learning all the moves from music videos. Remember Much Music and MTV? Is that still around? Is watching music videos a thing for the younger generation? I guess it would be on Youtube. I loved it. I had dozens of VHS tapes with recorded music videos and music award shows.
Listening to the 80's woke up the dancing spirit again. Not fully but its nice to know that it still lives inside me and hasn't dissolved away. I think I stopped because at some point I wasn't dancing for myself anymore. I was pretty good so at our family jams and weddings I would always be asked to dance and the attention felt good but after a while and followed by many years of clubbing and dancing/battling in circles which was also fun, something was lost. I missed simply dancing for myself at home, dancing simply for the pure feeling of joy.
I share this because I really have lost a sense and feeling of joy in life and I'm working to recapture it once again, to reconnect with that part of me. To find things to do in life that are simply for the sake of fun, for having a good fucking time. No booze or other mind altering substances required. I want to dance again, freely, like no one is watching but okay and not conscious if others are, not worrying about what others think. I have lived that life for a long time and it still lingers inside of me, this worry about what others think. Funny, I'm also never thinking that others have a positive view, I always think that others are seeing me negatively or that I'm doing something wrong. Does anyone else feel like this?
On this journey it is a gift I'm going to give myself.
Love | Laughter | Fun | Joy | Lightness
Two humming birds had paid me a visit in the last few days. They are wise little beings. I of course headed over to Google for the symbolism of my new cute little friends. Here is a little excerpt from one site.
"The hummingbirds wisdom carries an invitation to take part in and draw to you life's sweetness, like you would drink the nectar of your own flower".
"Open your heart and expose yourself to more joy and love."
That is exactly what I am going to do while listening to some old school 90's slow jams because I use to love the love. That to got lost in the shuffle of life somewhere in the process of adulting.